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Being in relationship - whether it’s with an intimate partner, child, sibling, parent or friend - brings with it many gifts, and also some challenges!
Life is far from linear, and in today’s fast-paced, often overwhelming world, our relationships can reflect this with their own cycles of ebb and flow. These natural fluctuations in connection - feeling more or less in sync with one another - are universal. However, there are simple yet powerful ways to nurture and maintain a deeper connection, even through life's busiest seasons.
Some of the pillars we feel are foundational for great relating include - honesty and trust, safety, acceptance, personal responsibility, respect, patience, open communication, love, equality, understanding, forgiveness and shared values.
Clear and conscious communication is an important skill and key to healthy relationships - and probably where most of us can trip up at times, unintentionally and/or unconsciously creating conflict which results in feelings of disconnection.
So how might cacao support us to move from trigger to transformation?
Before we get there, let’s first let’s look at some of the benefits of incorporating ritual into relationships.
Rituals invite us to take a moment from the routine duties of daily life and shifts us into sacred time and space. By slowing things down and bringing us into presence, they can highlight to us what we truly value, allow us to access insight and knowing, connect us to deeper emotions and help us move more easefully through times of change and transition.
Integrating cacao ceremony into relationships in a purposeful way creates an opportunity to deepen connection. They can also amplify communication skills, kindle intimacy and understanding, renew and strengthen attachment, bring us into the present moment and offer a safe space for healing and emotional release.
As a powerful plant ally, cacao is overflowing with chemicals (like theobromine, tryptophan and anandamide amongst others) that research shows boost our mood, increases focus, cultivates connection, eases stress, promotes relaxation and opens our heart. These incredible qualities are all supportive components to set the stage for conflict resolution – but there’s even more!
It's true that the theobromine in cacao stimulates the cardiovascular system, helping to regulate blood pressure and support healthy circulation by widening blood vessels – leaving us with that warm and uplifting feeling.
However, we’re not just speaking to the attributes cacao has on the physical organ of the heart, but also exploring the spiritual and metaphysical impact cacao has on our very being.
The heart space is often considered the seat of the soul and where the essence of who we are as a divine being resides. Used intentionally and in a ceremonial way, cacao can allow us to open up to and nurture a deeper part of ourselves that may be less accessible in our day to day lives.
From this deeply connected place, we inevitably feel more grounded, present, and may awaken deeper levels of our innate wisdom and awareness – ingredients that can foster the right environment for resolving conflict.
For those in a loving relationship, we’re excited to share this exquisite ritual adapted from Kiya Ankara**. With the vision of deepening connection, it’s a gentle and supportive way to weave cacao and ceremony into your relationships.
There are two parts to the ritual – the creation of an Altar of Love, and then how to use the altar for transformation and healing.
Set aside dedicated time where you won’t be disturbed, to be fully present for this ritual.
Things you will need for the ritual:
* Ceremonial Cacao for 2
* Offerings for your altar of love (flowers like roses, crystals, candles etc)
Before you begin, prepare enough ceremonial cacao for two in just the way you love. To really activate your brew, why not infuse it with the magic of Rose to further awaken the Heart (either as Rose water, a few drops of Rose essential oil or rose petals – you can check out our Rose Activated Cacao Brew.
Begin by choosing a space for your altar dedicated to love. Then, sit comfortably facing each other and take a few deep breaths to arrive into your body and the present moment. Hold the intention of this ritual offering you healing and transformation. Breathe this intention into your cacao. Mindfully drink in silence as you allow the medicinal magic of cacao to begin to seep into your being.
Then create an altar together, making it a shared practice of nurturing love, adding personal or symbolic items (flowers, images, crystals). Keep it simple or elaborate, depending on your style.
Include fresh flowers (roses if possible) to represent the ongoing care and love needed in relationships. Tend the altar regularly by refreshing and cleaning it.
If it feels aligned, call upon any guides or energies that resonate with you to hold space for transformation. Invoke the energies of your symbols e.g. those that represent love, healing, and release. Call on the flame of love and the power of the flame of transmutation to blaze in a cauldron on the centre of your altar.
Spend a few minutes daily at the altar, reflecting on what needs to be released or called in.
Visualize the altar energetically, placing your intentions and releases into a symbolic fire for transformation.
Take a few minutes each to reflect to one another with statements like “I love you because….” Or “I am grateful to you because…”. Let this loving gratitude be placed on the altar before placing anything into the fire for transforming - to be sure your fire has the fuel it needs for transmutation!
Let go of feelings such as anger, frustration, or fear by consciously "placing" them into the fire symbolically, but also physically moving your hands and body to give these up as fire offerings. This can be done one at a time, or ‘popcorn’ style, where one person shares one thing, then the other shares and so on. It’s important to take full responsibility to own your emotions and avoid blaming others during this process.
Use breathwork and vocal sounds to deepen the release of emotions, allowing your body to guide you. Partners can mirror and support each other in this practice to enhance healing.
After releasing, scan your body to notice if there is any remaining tension or emotions, and address them if needed. Witness and support each other with compassion, creating a safe space for vulnerability.
After releasing, invite in qualities you wish to embody, such as love, courage, or clarity. Speak these into the space, anchoring their energies into the altar of love.
Regularly return to the altar to check in with yourself or your partner, keeping love and openness at the centre of your relationship.
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We hope you love this ritual as much as we do!
May it serve to expand connection, transform conflict, and bring you back to your heart and to love.
Blessed Be!
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** While we tweaked this ritual to include cacao, we humbly acknowledge the work of author, teacher & facilitator Kiya Ankara in the creation of this ritual. To check out his other amazing work visit here.
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